Ever since having Luka, I have been searching for what I want to do. Staying at home is definitely my calling, but I also enjoy work. I enjoy being busy. I enjoy helping people. At first, I wanted to do lactation consulting, but soon changed my mind. I lost passion for it when I realized "how can I help women having issues I never had?" I never had a single issue with breastfeeding. It came easy to me. I was again lost in knowing what I wanted to do.
It wasn't until I had Eloise that I knew. When I gave birth to Eloise, William wasn't there. My best friend, Grace, was with me for moral support, but she is not a parent and has never witnessed a live birth so, of course, she had no idea what to expect. We didn't discuss my birth plan or what my wishes were or how serious I was about it. I really wanted an unmedicated birth with the freedom to roam around in my labor. I refused a wheelchair when checking in and I asked first thing to get up out of the bed when I got in and no one was listening. Nurses kept changing and I was concentrating and in pain and unable to fight for what I wanted. I was wailing through contractions and pressured into an epidural. Had they checked me beforehand, they would have known I was in so much pain because I was at 9 centimeters already. I gave birth less than 15 minutes after the epidural was in place and it had barely kicked in. I wish I had had William there to help me. I was tired and hurting and being asked 5 times a minute if I just wanted the epidural. I just wanted to squeeze someone's hand. I just wanted someone to look me in the eyes and tell me I could do it. Or tell me I was doing great. Not to be quieter or "the pain is only going to get worse" (yes, this was really said to me). But I didn't have that.
After I going through the experience of giving birth without a partner, I would never wish that experience on my worst enemy. It was scary and lonely and uncomfortable. I decided I wanted to be a doula and do my best to prevent any other woman from going through what I did. I want to help empower women to be confident in their birth and birth the way they want to. Whether that be by c-section, with an epidural, all natural, whatever. I want to be there for the women who would otherwise feel alone. It is so important to feel confident when you are doing the most amazing thing in the world, especially when that thing is painful and hard. You need support. Someone who understands what you want out of the birth and who can help you make that happen. I want to be that person.
So here I go. I am starting my training to become a certified birthing doula. Once I am certified and established, I plan to keep my focus on military spouses who will not be able to have their significant others with them for the births of their children. Of course, I am always willing to help anyone who would desire my services.
I am so excited to start my training and my new career as a birthing doula. :)
-Kacy
